I have had the pleasure of having some heart to heart conversations with a few young Vietnamese woman and found their stories to make me feel for them. The first conversation I had was with a young gal that worked at the orphanage I volunteered for in Dalat, Vietnam. She voiced her concerns about how the Vietnamese men do not treat their women very well. She said that the men don't work, all they do is drink beer and smoke cigarettes. She voiced how she really wanted to get married, but knew that she probably wasn't going to because she didn't want a man like that. I remember her asking me if American men were like that. I said that there are some that you don't want to be with, but there are also some good ones out there. Through facebook, after leaving Vietnam the first time, this friend of mine saw that I got married and asked me about my "prince" that I found and said that she was so happy for me! Again I felt sad for her that she wasn't going to find her "prince."
My second conversation that was very similar was with a young Vietnamese woman that works at my school. We drove together on a motorbike and she was asking me all sorts of questions and telling me about her life. She asked me about being married and what it was like. She asked if once I have a baby if I can still work. She told me that it used to be that Vietnamese women were just expected to stay home once they got married and take care of the kids, clean the house, etc. Now, they are expected to work, but once they get home from work are supposed to take care of the children, clean the house, cook, on and on. Vietnamese men do NOT take care of the children she said. She voiced how the Vietnamese men are barely at home because they are out drinking and smoking. She has told me before that she wants to marry a foreigner...I assume because she thinks they would take care of her better. Most Vietnamese women are very small (thus why I feel like a white giant most of the time!). This friend said that she is "big" for a Vietnamese women...and Vietnamese men only like the small women. Men are allowed to do whatever they want, whenever they want, but if women do any of those things, especially certain things, they are looked down upon and thought of as not being a suitable wife. Just like my other Vietnamese friend, she makde it sound like getting married was something she didn't want to do, just because of the status of women and how they are treated by the men.
I wish I could find a Prince Lance for them! It does make me thankful for growing up where I did and made me more aware of how other women my age view situations. It seems that women are sucked in, in Vietnam, just like America, about how they "should" look and what men "want" and it is not beneficial to their self esteems. I hope for both of them that they can find men who aren't as conservative and traditional, who will treat them as great as they should be treated!
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